Hmmm… what do I want to change about myself? I have always been happy with the way I am. Grant it, I know there are things that I need improvement on, however, it was fine with me that I am not perfect. I mean, I am only human and there is not a single person who is perfect. This thought is not overly exciting to me. Who would be? Who wants to sit there and think about things they need to change about themselves? Not me, that is for sure. It does not bother me that there are things I need to change; I just am happy with how I am and my imperfections are what make me who I am.
I started by making a list of all the things I need improvement on. I am shy when it comes to conversing with new people. I do not always say what I want to say because I am afraid of hurting other’s feelings; so sometimes I end up letting people walk all over me. However, when people do ask my opinion, I am very honest but, without any sugar coating. I like to be frank and to the point. Hey, if they ask then I might as well tell it like it is. I like to be helpful so, when friends, family, teachers, and coaches ask me to do favors for them, I have a problem with saying no. I also have a problem with telling my coach when something is too much because I am hurt. I am a perfectionist when it comes to things I am doing. I also do not really do anything I am not good at. These two factors are partially why I get frustrated with myself so easily. It is also why I am pessimistic towards the things I do. However, I can thank my perfectionism and pessimism for my success.
I had come up with a huge list of things to change and not one that I really wanted to change. Time to think a little harder. When I get stuck on something or do not know what to do, I think about what my dad would do or what he would say. I do this because I admire my dad so much. He taught me how to be a good person, a good friend. He taught me right from wrong. He did everything a good dad does and he did it with all the love in his heart. I never met a single person who knew my dad that did not admire him or love him. Even when he did things that made people mad he always seemed to do it in a way that ended up making them laugh. So, I thought about it and it dawned on me. I knew what I wanted to change about myself. I want to be more like my dad. Specifically, his bravery. He battled cancer and the whole time he was never scared about what would happen to him. He was never afraid of dying, never afraid of the pain that was inevitable. He just accepted what would happen. He was always more worried about how it was affecting his family and friends. Now, I am not saying I want to get cancer, I just know that if he was brave enough to face the scariest thing in his life the way he did, I can be a little braver. I can find the courage to try new things. Whether it is food or a new stunt in cheerleading, I can do it. If it means doing something I’m terrible at out in public. I can do it. I know if I want to, I can let loose with my friends and do something completely embarrassing in front of a crowd of people just because we feel like it. I know it will not be easy but I want to become more daring and let loose, be brave enough to try things I’ve never tried before.
I've stumbled over many of these troublesome attributes at some time or another in my life, but I've also learned part of those is what makes me who I am. Some of the quirks that I have seem to help in some situations and others hurt me in other situations. I've learned that I have to contour my life to the situation or to the person. It helps to be a people watcher - that way you pick up on their quirks and hot buttons then you can tailor how you act to get the most out of the situation.
ReplyDeleteI feel like we all have things that we want to change about ourselves but it only happens in time never over night
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